I wonder why we structure life so competitively. I think competition is the source of much of my emotional pain. I grew up going to math competitions, competing for good grades, and competing in Fortnite battle royales.

Maybe I was raised in an environment where everyone I talked to was obsessed with strengths, ratings, and who’s the strongest. For my own happiness, I want to believe that true strength is not about competition.

People justify competition by saying that resources in life are limited—there are only so many spots in a school, only so many people who can get a job. I want to challenge that idea. Most knowledge is already on the internet. I learned everything I know about programming from Codeforces. If all my knowledge was freely shared by other people, what am I even competing for?

They say you either win or you learn. I think I like learning more than winning. What’s the point of winning if it just makes whoever lost feel sad? In my experience, the grass isn’t greener on the other side of any success or goal that I’ve achieved. A lot of successful people I’ve met in achieving their own goals are fairly lonely.

I’ve decided that my purpose in life from now on is simply to survive happily. I’ll gain knowledge and power if—and only if—it helps me survive. I have a theory that this mentality is also an efficient way to learn things. Curiously learning about the world gives me a sense of control. I learn to cook when I’m by myself because it helps me survive on my own. When I lose, I feel inadequate, so I learn. As I learn, I can create more beautiful things. Trying to be better than other people is not how I want to live.

Maybe a goal in life is self-expression—producing your own art, your own masterpiece, an expression of whatever you’ve built in your mind. Knowledge should be shared. The true driver of innovation was never competition—it was pure curiosity. We ask questions, learn things, reach the frontier, and push it further.

I dream of a less secretive, more open world where you can ask anyone anything and receive knowledge freely. I’ve been in environments structured like this. Maybe we should model real life the same way.

Life is not a competition.